Where have all the nice guys gone?

[Rijiny]

Originally posted by Gromgor
I've long said that women in their 20's base their self-worth on which guy they are with and then, as tehy get older and become successful in their careers, or whatever else they are pursuing, their sense of self-worth shifts from the value of their guy to their own accomplishments. So as a woman hits 30 and beyond they do start looking for the nice guy. Someone who might not be the stud with the fancy car. Rather a companion to share their accomplishments with.

That's probably a good assessment, though sometimes it turns into a point where the woman has been abused by all the wrong men for so long that they start looking for someone who can and will take care of them and treat them like more than just an affixed booty call.

Meh.

[khaltek]

Suck your thumb and die, baby.

[Gadiantor]

I've been both the nice guy and the asshole.

As the nice guy I actually scored a couple of dates and was told that I was "the sweetest guy" she ever went out with. In the end she decided to date an asshole, and he did cheat on her. While I was disappointed I wasn't the one boning her, I never felt bitter. I stayed friends with her, but never went out with her again and started looking for a more receptive target from my affections. When I found out the asshole cheated on her I didn't feel vindicated, I felt bad for her. I continued to be a nice guy and dated and had friends with benefits and had other girls choose assholes over me.

Of course I am a man, so I've been an asshole too. I started dating a girl and one of her best friends (a guy) kept giving me the evil eye whenever I saw him. Additionally, he'd tell her what an asshole I was and that she could do better. I told her that I thought he liked her, but she said they were 'just friends' and all that. Well, as she started spending more time with me and less with him he finally grew some balls and told her how he felt. I told her I'd understand completely if she wanted to give him a chance, they had been friends for a long time and I wouldn't have faulted her for wondering if she would better off with him. Being the asshole I was sure the nice guy had no chance, and if she wanted to give him a shot it would free me up to explore some other opportunities while she made up her mind. Despite my very sincere willingness to move out of this nice guys way she said she never had any romantic interest in him and we kept dating. I did eventually cheat on her...sort of, I think we were technically on a break, but whatever, I was the asshole.

Having been on both sides, my advice to nice guys: There are plenty of fish in the sea. Getting rejected can suck, so feel shitty for a little while and get over it. Hell, use the sympathy to bag one of the chicks hot friends! The major difference between nice guy and creep is the ability to move on...and the ability to make a move at the right time, waiting until your dream girl is dating an asshole isn't the time to let your feelings be known. Nice guys still have balls. Creeps just sabotage themselves so they can blame everyone else for their inability to deliver the sausage to tuna town.

[Zana]

I can honestly say I married the nicest guy I ever met. Even though I didnt have him long, the good times we shared over those two years still make me smile ten years later.

Behold: the power of 'Nice Guys'.

[Rilthyn]

I'm a firm believer in being a "good cunt".

Be a good guy to those who deserve it, be a cunt to those who deserve it.

[Shadarach]

I pretty much echo Rilthyn's sentiment.



Life is a great balancing act. If you decide to be someone's friend, just be their friend, simple enough.

Friendship should not be considered based on whether you are going to get action out of it or not. It should be based on whether you think they will reciporocate your respect or whatever.

As parralel, you shouldn't try and be everyone's friend, because that never works either. There is nothing wrong with being as pleasant as possible, but face reality.

Of course, being a hypocrite, I believe friends with 'benefits' is awesome if it's not 'needy'.

[Marah]

I am a huge advocate of tactful honesty, even if it hurts feelings on the short-term. I have made my love of honesty known for as long as I can remember, in both friendships and relationships. Sadly, I guess, people don't take me seriously.

Be yourself. Be the best you that you can be.

If someone doesn't like you for that, pretending to be someone else is not going to change things in the long-run. And if you have specific feelings for someone,you have to be honest about that, too, lest you waste years of your own or someone else's time.

If people would just be honest, there'd be a lot less bitter tirades by both assholes and nice guys.

[Yatar]

This thread reminded me of this:

http://www.xkcd.com/513/