Sex Education: Abstain or Don't?

[kestra]

I strongly believe that sex ed. should be taught in an environment that's positive, supportive, and not in an intimidating or dogmatic fashion. You talk about how great sex is, AND you discuss how STDs can be transferred. You also don't exclude discussions about homosexuality.
I suspect the abstinence only programs have a religious under score to them. This is a different issue, and should be explored as an additional informational source, if that's important to the student, or family.

[Aristotle]

Originally posted by Graeblyn
The more secular programs tend to call themselves ABSTINANCE FIRST, and these are the programs, as I recall that have the surprisingly good results compared to traditional sex Ed, and are probably the ones you are thinking of in your earlier post. When I was in college, the program I volunteered with did indeed start in Kindergarten, but the kids would have no idea the point of the classes was to prevent them having sex before they were ready later. The abstinance first program wasn't intended to replace the traditional sex ed the kids got in Junior high and high school, but was done in addition to that. It was also highly secular.

Yeah, that sounds a lot more familiar. Perhaps that is what I have read about rather than this abstinence only thing.

I'm curious what is being taught to the kindergarten children. I find it hard to believe any type of sex ed is appropriate at that age.

[Aristotle]

Originally posted by kestra
You talk about how great sex is

I don't think this is at all necessary, and can easily be misinterpreted as tacit approval of anyone's choice to have sex at whatever age simply for the "fun" of it.

[Graeblyn]

Originally posted by Aristotle
Yeah, that sounds a lot more familiar. Perhaps that is what I have read about rather than this abstinence only thing.

I'm curious what is being taught to the kindergarten children. I find it hard to believe any type of sex ed is appropriate at that age.

Oh... it was songs and games about how lovable and capable we all are as individuals, and a lot of poems and rhymes that used to remind me a lot of Stuart Smalley, or whatever the lay therapist was on Saturday Night Live. These were especially targeted towards the girls, but all the students took part. They also had games that showed how great saying no to our friends is, sometimes. We saw cartoons and did skits and stuff where people said no to something they didn't want to do with their friends and ended up having more fun with other friends, or their family, or by themselves. It was all about feeling confident in making their own choices as to what is fun, and what isn't fun, and knowing what makes a choice a healthy choice and what makes it an unhealthy choice. It was part of a "peer helper" program the school put in place that was used in conjunction with the Abstinance First program, as well as Drug and Alcohol Resistance (DARE), a diversity appreciation thing, and a national anti-bullying program. The coordinator tended to mix and match activities from the various national programs to get the most out of our time with the kids, but all of the programs pretty much had teaching materials from kindergarten to high school level.

This was NOT the town I grew up in, by the way, but rather where I went to College.

[Tharzon]

Originally posted by Aristotle
I don't think this is at all necessary, and can easily be misinterpreted as tacit approval of anyone's choice to have sex at whatever age simply for the "fun" of it.

But at the same time, when you demystify the process, you remove the idea that parents are keeping some great secret from kids.

It's the same way with alcohol. You tell your kids that it is bad for them and they can't have it, but then are visibly seen to drink it yourself, all it does it convince them that it's actually perfectly good for them and you (stupid adult that you are) are keeping it to yourself.

The more honest you are about it, the more seriously the kids will take your admonitions. If you point out that sex is fun and pleasurable, they are more inclined to believe you when you say "but also very dangerous so you have to be careful"

[Aristotle]

Originally posted by Tharzon

It's the same way with alcohol. You tell your kids that it is bad for them and they can't have it, but then are visibly seen to drink it yourself, all it does it convince them that it's actually perfectly good for them and you (stupid adult that you are) are keeping it to yourself.

Or you can just never drink alcohol around them, or have it in the house. That is a far better way to avoid the hypocrisy that gives them an excuse to drink booze. Yes, it might be a sacrifice, but surely it is a worthy one, no?

As for the comparison to sex: I hope nobody is having sex in front of their children.

Originally posted by Tharzon

The more honest you are about it, the more seriously the kids will take your admonitions. If you point out that sex is fun and pleasurable, they are more inclined to believe you when you say "but also very dangerous so you have to be careful"

I think as soon as you say "fun and pleasurable" you can pretty much guarantee they are going to do it at the first opportunity.

I don't think it helps to lie and say its horrid, evil, and from the devil, but touting its merits is just going to entice them.

[Tharzon]

Originally posted by Aristotle
Or you can just never drink alcohol around them, or have it in the house. That is a far better way to avoid the hypocrisy that gives them an excuse to drink booze. Yes, it might be a sacrifice, but surely it is a worthy one, no?

I like how the decision seems to be one between hypocrisy or incompetance rather than allowing for the possibility of responsible parenting.

Or you can explain what it is, how it works, and why small doses imbibed responsibly are not only safe, but beneficial to ones health, and that drinking to excess can not only be detrimental, but lethal, and trust your children to respect your knowledge and experience and exercise some responsibility.

I've been having wine with dinner since I was 12. Had I been strictly forbidden it all along, I almost certainly would have figured this was some adult mystery and gone out of my way to get rip-roaring drunk.

Instead I was given a small amount, with the family, under supervision, and had it clearly explained to me that it is something more appropriate for adults, and as I got older, it was something I could partake of.

As such, in the 5 years I've been legal to drink, I would say that I have drank to excess only twice. Once on my 22nd birthday and once at New Years Eve 2006.

As for Sex Ed. My mother subscribed to the policy of "If they are mature enough to ask an explicit question, they are mature enough to hear an explicit answer"

When I was old enough to wonder, and mature enough to ask straight up without giggling about things, I was told. Honestly, openly, and with the goal of actually educating me with the realities of the world.

As such, I was perfectly cognizant of the risks involved in sex, the means one can undertake to minimize those risks as much as possible, and understood the importance of the act to many people, and was taught to treat it with respect.

I don't see how this is a bad thing.

[Karmei]

Originally posted by Aristotle
Or you can just never drink alcohol around them, or have it in the house. That is a far better way to avoid the hypocrisy that gives them an excuse to drink booze. Yes, it might be a sacrifice, but surely it is a worthy one, no?

Not to derail here, but my parents don't drink. Either of them, ever. Not beer, not wine, nothing.

I started partying and drinking when I was 13 and I had never even so much as seen them with a drink, let alone drunk.

So I am not sure that it really has anything to do with it.

[Aristotle]

Originally posted by Karmei

So I am not sure that it really has anything to do with it.

It has a lot to do with it, but nothing is absolute.

One of the few things about child raising that is known with absolute certainty is that children learn the majority of their behaviors from their parents (assuming they have them).

There is no single way to guarantee that your kids will not abuse alcohol (or drugs). But a sure way to increase the chances is to have alcohol around the house and to let your kids see you drinking it.

Children are programmed to emulate their parents. That is one of the things that makes being a parent so hard. They will emulate everything: drinking, smoking, aggressive driving, the way you treat your spouse, the way you let yourself be treated by your spouse, and basically everything else you can imagine.

[Wrent]

I think that "fun" or "great" are a poor choice of words...

"Special" or something along that line of meaning would be more appropriate. The large majority of teens in the west or modern nations will be curious and eager. I think that sex ed should include making sex to be something 'special'... special is -good-, but also it's not something to do or explore carelessly.

Teaching that you wait to have sex with someone that you care about and want to share something THAT special at least would make the ideal more practical and imo more effective. Really, I think the message we want children to have is "Don't fuck up", not "don't fuck, period". Not so say I endorse teen sex, persay, but it's going to happen. Better to make them educated and have a genuine sense of safety and caution about how you have sex and who you have it with.

IMO, the wait till marriage idea is a little out dated considering the modern world. People are not married at 14 or 16 anymore. They are in school till at least 18 or so, if not longer. The body is simply mature and 'ready' to reproduce by then. It's hard for me to agree with the "plan" to be counter to natural instinct and development.