FF 05 Standings Results and Smack Talk!

[Gadiantor]

Originally posted by Isaviel
Suck my left toe pal!

From "Double Team" by Tenacious D:
You lay upon our roundish bed,
And then you feel a tickling on your head.
It's KG with the feather and the French tickler,
Look out baby he got the tools.
And then you feel sumpin' down by your feet.
It's me, it's JB, I'm suckin' upon your toes.

We don't mind sucking on toes!
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow!
Havin' sex with me and KG,
Now you're talkin' double team supreme.

It's all about toe sucking

[Aristotle]

Great ideas!

The Sports Guy

Larry Johnson's inspiring fantasy performance brings to mind an e-mail from New York reader Randall Markey, who asks: "Isn't it high time that awards were issued for the close of the fantasy football season? And not just the usual perfunctory MVP, Most Improved, Biggest Bust, etc., awards. We need good awards, like 'Best Performance After Sucking For 10 Weeks' (to Chris Chambers, much like Muhsin Muhammad last year); and 'Most Annoying Starter-Then Non-Starter-Then Starter' (Tatum Bell seems right here)."

Excellent call. I liked your awards; I would add these:

The Carl Pickens Award for "Most notable disappearance by a WR on a new team" goes to Derrick Mason. I had forgotten completely that he played for the Ravens until I was watching the ESPN game last week.

The Troy Aikman Award for "Most secretly cruddy fantasy season by a big name" goes to Tony Gonzalez. Did you know that Mike Vrabel caught three times as many TD passes as Gonzalez did? It's true. Not even the Killers-Bravery rivalry is as one-sided as Antonio Gates-Gonzalez right now.

The John Wayne Gacy Award for "Guy who murdered the most roto teams" goes to Daunte Culpepper, narrowly edging Priest Holmes, Randy Moss and Terrell Owens. Thanks for the memories, Daunte. Too bad "lap dances" wasn't a category in my West Coast league.

The Patrick Jeffers Award for "Best random performance by a white receiver" goes to the Rams' Kevin Curtis, who undoubtedly will blow out both ACLs or break a vertebra within the next nine months. This should be its own presentation, actually -- there should be a plaid jacket like the green jacket The Masters has. Wouldn't it be fun to watch last year's winner, Drew Bennett, help Curtis slide his Jeffers Jacket on?

The Sean Penn Award for "Biggest turd in the punch bowl" goes to Bill Belichick and Mike Shanahan, who continue to disregard fantasy owners completely by platooning backs, throwing TD passes to linebackers and tight ends, and basically torturing us on a week-to-week basis. What Shanahan did with Tatum Bell this season was downright evil.

And for the Kordell Stewart Career Achievement Award for "Most agonizing fantasy moment of the season" … the completely insane Steve Smith, who managed to get kicked out of Saturday's Panthers-Cowboys game with just 11 receiving yards, killing countless fantasy championship games in the process. Note to every NFL player -- don't mess around in Week 16. Just trust me.

That first one is great. Dante Cullpepper screwed the Merkins hard.

[aelyn]

'Most Annoying Starter-Then Non-Starter-Then Starter' (Tatum Bell seems right here)

I'm gonna totally agree right there. *scowl*

Those are great, heheheh.

[Isaviel]

Originally posted by Gadiantor
It's all about toe sucking

Gross!