From that article I like the idea of full contact figure skating.

And you know, if all you want from soccor is more goals, why don't you just 'invent' a new game called 'penalties', do away with the rest of the game and just have 5 players kick the ball past the keeper from the penalty spot. The game would last ten minutes, but if you pack in lots of advertising breaks, switches for offense and defense, some cheerleading, more advertising and sponsor breaks, and have 9 quaters instead of two halves, you could stretch it to just beyond the average viewers attention span.

I'll agree to removing the offside rule if, and only if, they make the teams play with a beachball instead of a leather football. That will kill the long ball game and allow the offside rule to vanish all in one fell swoop.