Will divorce become less popular?

[tharun]

Divorce rates in the western world have been increasing steadily for the last few decades. Is this just a trend which will end soon? Will we return to a state of low divorce rates as society shifts in the future? Or are most marriages in Western societies going to be doomed forevermore?

Perhaps the only time divorce will become a minor issue will be when marriage is such a marginal practice that only those most committed to the concept of a christian for-life-marriage are those getting married; where the majority of society merely cohabits rather than getting married. That would lower divorce statistics..

As someone young enough not to be married, but old enough to consider it, its something that interests me. It seems that in the past a lot of people 'stuck with it', because it was so frowned upon to get a divorce that the benefits outweighed the gains. Nowadays there is almost no stigma attached to a divorcee in society, as it is so common there's little to lose.

I suppose it is linked to the decline in traditional christian moral standards in the west, which have not been replaced by an alternative way of life which treats moral issues such as this in a similar way.

Where do you think the state of marriage will be in, say, 50 years? will it be a funny old fashioned concept in a world of totally fluid relationships? Do you think a 'moral backlash' will result in a pseudo-1950s happy family type future?

-tharun

[Sier]

I think that the more religioustype folks will keep it going in spite of whatever happens. But I strongly think that the world has butchered the word "Marriage".

[Salimar]

Why do people divorce?

- people have well-paid jobs, in particular women do not need to be maintained. One person can easily provide for oneself. So the contract that assures the provision of money can be broken.

- it is easier for everybody to find people to have a good time with. So the contract that assures the provision of good times can be broken.

Divorce is a social-economical consequence.

I don't say that people marries nowadays thinking to divorce. I think many people marry thinking that it is going to be forever. We are more idealistic about love because the other needs are covered. Before people married without knowing each other much and many times even the family chose the other person. However, they needed each other in other ways than romantically.

I think that divorce actually increases the number of marriages. Just take into account that before people married once. However, now it is not uncommon to marry twice. As the number of marriages increases then the number of divorces do so. Because let's be clear marriages do not solve couples' problems and in general things are not eternal. So it is a vicious circle.

So my prediction is:
- if the society continues like today with well-paid jobs for everybody and freedom to move around then, the number of marriages is going to increase while people have money to spend on this and therefore the number of divorces.

- if the society changes and one needs the other economically and socially to get by then people will be stuck to each other for life even if there is nothing left.

Salimar

[Pyrosama]

I think that there will be a continued increase in the number of divorces simply because people are less willing to compromise these days, and I think that compromise is the most important thing in a successful marriage. Maybe more people compromised in the past because they were dependent upon each other for whatever reason or feared instability (financially or co-dependent with substance abuse and/or physical violence, children's well-being, etc).

With the divorce rate increasing, it appears that people do not have the discipline to endure compromise in a productive way...maybe they tend to view their sacrifices as having lost or having been proven wrong or something when in actuality compromise is simply taking the best course of action for the sake of the marriage. If both parties are not committed to compromise, then the marriage will fail or one partner will be truly, truly miserable.

[Mukana]

Interesting thread.
On that note, the divorce rate has increased for several reasons:

Women in the workforce: This gives women a newfound sense of independence, meaning they don't have to settle for what they may find a mediocre relationship. Should women give up this independence as Salimar seems to suggest? I don't think so. If I misinterpreted your post Sal, my apologies.

Divorce is easy: At one time you had to have grounds to get a divorce. Walking into a courtroom and stating I don't love him/her anymore was not grounds and couples were usually ordered to try a trial separation, counseling etc. I remember my parents going through 90 day trial separations, discovering they still loved each other and getting back together... only to go through the whole damn thing again a couple or several months later. It wasn't easy to get a divorce until the past 10 or 15 years (in Canada anyway). Here in the States I notice that "no-fault" doesn't always mean it's easy after all, but still, compared to years past divorce is much easier now, making it a favoured route instead of WORKING through the bad patches, or as Pyrosama suggests, compromising.

The option of Divorce: Oh yea, some people out there will go into marriage knowing that if they don't like it or it gets hard, or doesn't work out or whatever... there's always a divorce to get them out of their mess. So much for the old saying "You made your bed, now lay in it", or however it went. Why do you think we hear of third, fourth and more marriages? Divorce is and will continue to be an easy out of what may be wrongly perceived as a bad marriage.

Societal Norms: As already mentioned, there's no longer a stigma attached to divorce. Instead it's become something to celebrate for many people. Married couples have so much more stress these days to cope with than those of the past, demands on time, finances, emotions, etc. Quality family time has become almost extinct, people grow apart, lose themselves in individual interests, usually waking up to late to realize they've alienated themselves from their spouse and family. As long as society approves and endorses divorce as the end to a problem the rates will continue, perhaps even climb.
With the separation of State and religion and the political correctness bandwagon rolling right along, couples have few places to turn for help in reconnecting or saving a marriage. For those who have good jobs and good health care plans there is hope, hoever, for the majority there is none.

If more couples took the time to communicate and compromise AND genuinely commit to trying to work through the bad times more marriages would last.
Furthermore, if these same couples took the time to "autopsy" the marriage (Dr. Phil word) divorces rates wouldn't be so high, and wouldn't get so nasty. Both parties would have their closure and be able to finally offer some compromises to ending the marriage, and surprisingly might discover that their marriage isn't so dead after all.

[Salimar]

My question is:

Why should marriages last longer? Is people concerned about how long girlfriend/boyfriend relationships last? How many of us have broken relationships before? Did anybody tell you, you should stay with that person even if you don't love him/her?

Maybe it is natural that couples break after a few years. Couples marry because the tax cuts and to make their status public. Marriage is useful for some things, when love or whatever is over, then it is not point to continue together. Divorce is not bad, it is just part of the relationship between two people.

Salimar

[Azyael]

Originally posted by Salimar
My question is:

Why should marriages last longer?

"... till death do us part..."

Anybody who makes that oath really should do so with the intention of honoring it.

Then again, I'm not a real religious person so perhaps I'm simply overestimating the significance of said oath performed in someone's place of worship.

[Salimar]

Originally posted by Azoryn
"... till death do us part..."

Anybody who makes that oath really should do so with the intention of honoring it.

Then again, I'm not a real religious person so perhaps I'm simply overestimating the significance of said oath performed in someone's place of worship.

I would like to point out that marriages are not exclusively religious. Marriage is probably older than religion itself. Every culture seems to have them in some form.

The sentence "til death do us part", I am not sure if they say such a thing in civil marriages anymore. If I was going to get married I might remove it to a more convinient and less threatening sentence.

Salimar

[Azyael]

Maybe I should clarify.

I know marriages range in a number of different ways, religious/not religious, different types of oaths, etc.

However, you asked why marriages should be expected to last longer. My answer, and point: If your marriage contains binding oaths and promises of the liftime nature, then you SHOULD be expected to uphold those promises to the letter.

[Tikbalang]

The increasing number of divorces doesn't bode well for the young couple completely and utterly in love with each other, looking forward to spending their lifetime together. Maybe people these days are marrying for the wrong reasons and, thus, can't quite cope with their spouse suddenly turning into a jerk. Then, again, it's a different situation when a couple has been married for years (probably having the same lofty dreams as the young couple when they married) and find themselves apart and in absolute disgust with their partner.

The numbers are well-documented but how do they break down? Of all the divorces, how many were between couples married less than 6 months? A year? 5 years? 45 years? How many were between a couple where one is religious and and the other is not (religion sometimes play a large part in a couple breaking up)? What of couples who are both religious? And of these couples, which religion do they follow? And do they consider themselves devout or casual worshippers? What of race, is it a factor? Age difference? Social status?

Of course, even if one crunched the numbers, the only thing one will find are, well, numbers. Category A will have slightly more instances of divorce than category B. Then maybe nine years from now, some genius psychologist will write a book and find a solution. Of course, there will be hundreds of other books trying to debunk his theory.