Stats, Trash Talk & YOU- Fantasy Hockey 05!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
| Team -|Bud Ice|Frosty | Newts |Rockets|Banshees|Fresh|Thrashers|Bladerunners|
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
| Name -|Leshrak|Talsek |Nizevyn| Falix | Vidare |Khirm| Azyael -| - Pyryth - |
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
|=G=====|42-----|34-----|25-----|29-----|28------|30---|44 ***** |35----------|
|=A=====|51-----|60-----|53-----|37-----|48------|40---|55-------|64 ******** |
|(+/-)==|+12----|0------|+18 ** |-16----|-2------|+15--|+9-------|+15---------|
|=PIM===|92-----|100----|113----|86-----|130 *** |70---|121------|114---------|
|=PPG===|16-----|18-----|10-----|11-----|12------|11---|22 ***** |11----------|
|=PPA===|27-----|29-----|26-----|20-----|17------|15---|27-------|30 ******** |
|=PPP===|43-----|47-----|36-----|31-----|29------|26---|49 ***** |41----------|
|=SHG===|0------|0------|3 **** |0------|2-------|0----|2--------|2-----------|
|=SHA===|0------|0------|0------|0------|1-------|1----|1--------|6 ********* |
|=GWG===|4------|7------|4------|2------|10 **** |3----|9--------|5-----------|

|Goalies|-------|-------|-------|-------|--------|-----|---------|------------|
|=W=====|5------|7------|8------|7------|9-------|5----|8--------|11 ******** |
|=SHO===|1------|1------|0------|0------|0-------|0----|1--------|3 ********* |
|=SV%===|.886---|.893---|.884---|.878---|.881----|.892-|.931 *** |.920--------|
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
*** (Denotes Category Leader)

- Standings -
1 - Headthrashers ---- 18-7-3
2 - Bladerunners ----- 17-8-3
3 - Nizzy's Newts ---- 15-11-2
4 - Frosty Aquamonkeys 13-9-6
5 - Minty Fresh ------ 10-14-4
5t- PondRockets ------ 10-14-4
7 - Drink Bud Ice ---- 9-14-5
8 - Ice Banshees ----- 5-20-3

Lackluster performances by the Ice Banshees have landed them a .232 win percentage thus far, but they hope to overcome this defecit against the number two ranked Bladerunners in week 3. This should prove to be a difficult feat for sure as the Bladerunners own three of the league's top goalies in Luongo, Hasek, and Brodeur, but recent additions to the Banshees' roster could prove deadly.

The Headthrashers have jumped out to an early 1-game lead so far, not surprising considering the star-studded talent that lines their roster. Lang, Zetterberg, Shannanhan, and Samuelsson all lead the team in scoring, but picking all of your stars from the same team could prove to be the decisive factor when the Red Wings have a drought. Only time will tell if Azyael's move was a smart one, as the Thrashers take on the fifth place Minty Fresh this week, who are hungry for something to prove with Khirmint at the helm.

Falix's overhyped PondRockets have had a disappointing opening two games, coming in dead last in 7 of 13 stat categories, but the recent activation of Ilya Kovalchuk could be what pushes them on top in their matchup against the tough and resourceful Newts. Don't count the Newts out, though, as they're only three wins out of the top spot and can taste blood.

Drink Bud Ice has nearly managed to tie for fifth place, just one win behind, but poor performances from stars Lemieux, Kiprusoff and Esche have helped to quench any hopes of pulling out a winning matchup as of yet. They take on the Frosty Aquamonkeys this week, who hope to improve on their hold of fourth place, and aren't far off from third. Look for this one to be a grind-em-out week as both teams are close to being leaders in a couple of stat-categories.

Good evening, hockey fans, and welcome to Aquamonkey Access, your ticket to the hottest news for -your- Frosty Aquamonkeys.

This week saw the FAM break out of the gate with overconfidence pulling at their tails. After a fantastic start in Week 1, the Monkeys fell flat on their faces this week. Aquamonkey Access was able to reach some of the players for comment...

-----

AA: It must be hard for you to be patient with your recovery, after seeing the team struggling and knowing you could help.
Marian Gaborik: Ouch. My groin. Ouch. Argh. I'm still out. Argh.

-----

AA: Peter, you had a very productive week despite your team's sad showing. Do you think the Aquamonkeys were a bit too confident after last week's rape of Minty Fresh?
Peter Forsberg: I pass the puck to the players, the players score. I get assists. I don't get goals. I have a beard. I'm Swedish. Bork bork bork!

-----

And last but not least, a message from our sponsors:

Don't Drink Bud Ice!

Argh, damn you Leshrak!

The Frosty Aquamonkeys had a good outing this week, but were edged out by Leshrak's vile crew. We've got two losses in a row now, so Nizzy's Newts have to die. Sorry Nizevyn, but I guarantee a win this week. If I lose, I'll be the league sex slave/punching bag for November. But it ain't happening ;).

Talsek

Screams arise in the distance as Talsek begins whipping his team into shape for the coming week...

Woo hoo!

Look at that.


Headthrashers 12
Minty Fresh 1


That game was alot like playing Hockey against Helen Keller. :crashLook to see the Bladerunners score some games this week.

Regardless, this puts the Headthrashers at a 8 point lead. The PondRockets will all to easily be adding to that streak.

Are the Bladerunnrs the ONLY team worthy of being in the same League as the Headthrasers? :devil

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Azoryn

Look at that.

Headthrashers 12
Minty Fresh 1

That game was alot like playing Hockey against Helen Keller.

---

Daaaaaamn.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Azoryn
Are the Bladerunnrs the ONLY team worthy of being in the same League as the Headthrasers? :devil

---

Double Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

That is some serious smack talk. Is anyone able to rise to the challenge?

Soon as I have time to log in and organize, sure! I still haven't figured out whats what with this.

Standings Through Week 4
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
1 Headthrashers 30-8-4
2 Bladerunners 22-14-6
3 Nizzy's Newts 22-15-5
4 Frosty Aquamonkeys 18-16-8
5 Drink Bud Ice 16-19-7
6 PondRockets 14-21-7
7 Ice Banshees 11-25-6
8 Minty Fresh 11-26-5

Week 4 Matchups(and current scores through Wednesday):
-=-
#5 Drink Bud Ice (8)
vs
#7 Ice Banshees (1)

#3 Nizzy's Newts (7)
vs
#4 Frosty Aquamonkeys (4)

#6 PondRockets (4)
vs
#1 Headthrashers (6)

#8 Minty Fresh (3)
vs
#2 Bladerunners (6)

Week 3 Results (sorry for the delay, work was busy on Monday & Tuesday)
-=-=-
Drink Bud Ice - 7
vs
Frosty Aquamonkeys - 5
-Final-

As expected, Bud Ice and the Aquamonkeys scratched it out to a close finish, with Bud taking the win by two points. Look for the Monkeys to rebound this week as they hope to post a loss to the #3 Nizzy's Newts, and Bud plans to take a dominating win over the Ice Banshees on their home turf. This announcer reminds you: Drink Bud Ice, but uh, Beware of the Penguins.


Nizzy's Newts - 7
PondRockets - 4
-Final-

Nizzy's Newts have rebounded from a heartbreaking week 2 loss to the Thrashers with a 7-4 win over the(again) much overhyped PondRockets of Falix. The Newts travel to the AquaDome this week in hopes of making it two in a row, and Falix's Rockets fly to The Dungeon to take on the Headthrashers. Line: 9:5 Thrashers


Ice Banshees - 6
Bladerunners - 5
-Final-

The Banshees posted their first win this week after the embarassing Week 2 loss to Minty Fresh, vaulting them out of dead last place by a margin of just one goal. Look for their poor performance to return this week as they take on the up-and-coming Drink Bud Ice in what's being billed as "The Crushing of the Ice." This sportscaster predicts another embarassing loss this week for the Bladerunners as they take on the now-last-place Minty Fresh.


Minty Fresh - 1
Headthrashers - 12
-Final-

Total dominance. Minty Fresh bent over and took it from behind (again)last week, all the while screaming, "THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER???" They move on in week 4, hoping to whip the Bladerunners into submission, but only time will tell if the slave can become the master. The Thrashers slide into week 4 undefeated, outscoring their opponents by a margin of 30-8!! This will be the game to watch this week as the Thrashers throw on their leather and chains to prepare for an all out rear assault!

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Talsek
We've got two losses in a row now, so Nizzy's Newts have to die. Sorry Nizevyn, but I guarantee a win this week. If I lose, I'll be the league sex slave/punching bag for November. But it ain't happening ;).
[/i]

---

So, I guess you're going to be the league sex slave/punching bag. It's 7pm EDT on Thursday, and you're getting, to be blunt, your ass pounded even worse than Bandle gave it to Whitewing. The Newts seem to be making you their bitch of the week, with an 11-1 beating. That's reminiscent of when Team Evil whacked Wyden in the Griffon a few years ago.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Vidare
So, I guess you're going to be the league sex slave/punching bag. It's 7pm EDT on Thursday, and you're getting, to be blunt, your ass pounded even worse than Bandle gave it to Whitewing. The Newts seem to be making you their bitch of the week, with an 11-1 beating. That's reminiscent of when Team Evil whacked Wyden in the Griffon a few years ago.

---

Don't count out the Monkeys just yet! Thursday night cut the lead by 4. Now all we need is a miracle (we're close in enough categories that it's possible). We're not too worried yet!

Dude, that's some serious trash-talking. Never let yourself be linked to Whitewing!

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Aristotle

That is some serious smack talk. Is anyone able to rise to the challenge?

---

*Cricket... cricket... cricket... cricket...*

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Azoryn
*Cricket... cricket... cricket... cricket...*

---

you didn't even read my post. i'm gonna laugh my ass off when you lose to falix, who hasn't even won a game yet! :laugh

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Azoryn
*Cricket... cricket... cricket... cricket...*

---

Obviously you didn't read mine, either.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Vidare
Obviously you didn't read mine, either.

---

Oh, we were to take notice of that drivel?

With those powerful stats the Banshee's have been putting on the board (11-25-6, since you seemed to have forgot), I'm stunned Talsek disgraced himself by responding.

Claiming Talsek's going to be the league's sex slave? Buddy, your already in the stirrups. Now, shhh... we don't allow our slaves to talk.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Azoryn
Oh, we were to take notice of that drivel?

With those powerful stats the Banshee's have been putting on the board (11-25-6, since you seemed to have forgot), I'm stunned Talsek disgraced himself by responding.

Claiming Talsek's going to be the league's sex slave? Buddy, your already in the stirrups. Now, shhh... we don't allow our slaves to talk.

---

I'm not the Banshee's. I have no idea who is, but believe me. It's not this guy.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Vidare
So, I guess you're going to be the league sex slave/punching bag. It's 7pm EDT on Thursday, and you're getting, to be blunt, your ass pounded even worse than Bandle gave it to Whitewing. The Newts seem to be making you their bitch of the week, with an 11-1 beating. That's reminiscent of when Team Evil whacked Wyden in the Griffon a few years ago.

---

Well I guess we've all learned something this week. Sometimes when you try to spew too much shit, you choke. Perhaps coming up with those cliched jabs wasted too much energy, and none was left for the ice. Rough.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Talsek
We've got two losses in a row now, so Nizzy's Newts have to die. Sorry Nizevyn, but I guarantee a win this week. If I lose, I'll be the league sex slave/punching bag for November. But it ain't happening .

---

Final Score:

Frosy Aquamonkeys: 5
Nizzy's Newts: 3

The Fantasy Football folks need to sit up and take notice.

The trash talk in this league totally dominates the FF folks.

I think they got lazy from reading Gadiantor's awesome weekly recaps and feel like they don't have to do their own smack talking!

Standings after week 4: (Points)
1 Headthrashers - (80)
2 Bladerunners - (67)
3 Nizzy's Newts - (61)
4 Frosty Aquamonkeys - (60)
5 Drink Bud Ice - (59)
6 PondRockets - (47)
7 Minty Fresh - (38)
8 Ice Banshees - (36)

---Week 4---
#5 Drink Bud Ice: 9
#8 Ice Banshees: 3

Bud Ice posted a monstrous win over the Banshees, living up to their promise of a crushing victory this week. DBI has pulled to within 8 points of second place going into week 5, and the contests are starting to heat up! Look for DBI to have another strong performance by the NHL's leading scorer Eric Staal as they take on Minty Fresh this week! The Banshees' poor performance demonstrates why they are the last place team in the league, but they will try to step it up for their matchup against the stunned Newts.

#3 Nizzy's Newts: 3
#4 Frosty Aquamonkeys: 5

The Aquadome exploded in joy this week as Talsek barely kept himself from becoming the week's sex slave, staging a late-week comeback against the Newts, but only posting 5 points has got them dangerously close to falling in the standings. The Monkeys take on the reeling PondRockets this week, hoping to keep the (losing) streak (for Falix) alive, and the Newts will almost definately regain their former composure against our favorite last place team, the Ice Banshees.

#5 PondRockets: 5
#1 Headthrashers: 7

It's a rainy day in Detroit today as Falix can't seem to get anything right! The fantasy world is upside-down as both his football and hockey teams came up short-- not unexpected though, as spectacular play by our number 1 Thrashers team managed to keep him down! Can Falix come back next week to finally post his first win against the Monkeys? We here at DBI think not.

#7 Minty Fresh: 5
#2 Bladerunners 8

Minty Fresh put up a valiant fight against the #2 seeded Bladerunners, but also came up short in a relatively close contest. Keep an eye on the Bladerunners this week as we have a matchup between the league's top two teams when they take on the Headthrashers! I don't expect a blowout, but we can always hope!

#1 Fantasy Hockey: 12
#2 Fantasy Football: 2

Cameos by Aristotle, Whitewing, and Wyden have vaulted the Fantasy hockey league to the top in sensational shootout style, absolutely decimating the Fantasy Football crew with trash-talk this week! Does the Fantasy Football league have the gonads to rise to the challenge and show us what they're made of?

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Leshrak
you didn't even read my post. i'm gonna laugh my ass off when you lose to falix, who hasn't even won a game yet! :laugh

---

Sorry to disappoint. Maybe next week?

Kudo's to the Pondrockets, though, for a fairly close game. They swept Goals and Assists, and even nailed in a shorthanded goal. Thankfully, the Thrashers clocked into all the Powerplay points and our goaltending stats simply DOMINATED. But, hats off to a good game.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
| Team -|Bud Ice|Frosty | Newts |Rockets|Banshees|MntyFresh|Thrashers|Bladerunners |
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
| Name -|Leshrak|Talsek |Nizevyn| Falix |?Vidare?|Khirmint | Azyael -| - Pyryth - |
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
|=G=====|97-----|91-----|69-----|84-----|75------|62-------|107 **** |84----------|
|=A=====|166 ** |161----|128----|117----|116-----|120------|119------|129-------- |
|(+/-)==|+7-----|+15----|+28 -- |-9-----|+9------|+34 **** |+18------|+34 ******* |
|=PIM===|254----|256----|221----|192----|312 *** |194------|244------|229---------|
|=PPG===|42-----|47-----|27-----|33-----|25------|27-------|49 ***** |40----------|
|=PPA===|87 *** |79-----|62-----|64-----|60------|50-------|67-------|57----------|
|=PPP===|129 ** |126----|89-----|97-----|85------|77-------|116----- |97----------|
|=SHG===|1------|1------|4------|1------|5 ***** |2--------|3--------|2-----------|
|=SHA===|2------|2------|3------|0------|1-------|2--------|1--------|6 ********* |
|=GWG===|8------|14-----|7------|8------|18 ---- |11-------|20 ***** |13----------|

|Goalies|-------|-------|-------|-------|--------|---------|---------|------------|
|=W=====|14-----|13-----|20-----|12-----|12------|9--------|22 ***** |20----------|
|=SHO===|3------|1------|0------|0------|0-------|0--------|3--------|4 ********* |
|=SV%===|.900---|.918---|.895---|.876---|.872----|.879-----|.933 *** |.909--------|
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Edit: *** denotes category leader. Stats thru Wednesday 11-02.

Edit2: I'm a dumbass. I said I was the leader in PIM, but I'm clearly not.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Vidare
I'm not the Banshee's. I have no idea who is, but believe me. It's not this guy.

---

Who the fuck are the Ice Banshees?? Every other team is spoken for... could it just be that the Ice Banshees performance is so embarassing no one is willing to claim to be their coach?

If you look at the Manager for the Ice Banshees, you'll notice that they're being led by Azyael. Who is, if you check, a registered user on Thresh.

Azyael is the manager of the HeadThrashers (Azoryn), if I'm not mistaken(As Azoryn has posted multiple times with taunts).

The Ice Banshees are led by a yahoo ID named "toxicavenger97". The profile has a picture of an orangutang, Nickname: Elijah Location: Shit Towne Age: 24 Marital Status: Single Sex: Male Occupation: Phone []D[][]v[][]D email address: sparrowind@msn.com
(all public info).


The Ice Banshees are actually leading a couple categories.. they might be able to turn it around. But i think pyryth was right:

Quote:

---

could it just be that the Ice Banshees performance is so embarassing no one is willing to claim to be their coach?

---

And what is this we have here?

Bladerunners: 8
Headthrashers: 1
With only 2 days left, the Thrashers are getting a pounding reminiscent of Frobozz's visit to the cherry tree!

And one more thing, Vidare, you -can't- look at the manager of the banshees if you don't have a team in the league, because it's a private/closed league, so how were you viewing the managers? every team list we've posted has had your name as the manager. :p

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Vidare
If you look at the Manager for the Ice Banshees, you'll notice that they're being led by Azyael. Who is, if you check, a registered user on Thresh.

---

This is the lowest of lows. Simply... pathetic.

Quote:

---

Bladerunners: 8
Headthrashers: 1
With only 2 days left, the Thrashers are getting a pounding reminiscent of Frobozz's visit to the cherry tree!

---

Don't be counting out the Thrashers just yet. Despite the current scores, we've got some close numbers.

I admit the Frosty Aquamonkeys were a bit worried after we lost Gaborik (again...) and Rucinsky to injuries. Lucky for us, the Pond Rockets didn't have a pulse.

Aquamonkeys: 11
Pond Rockets: 0

We're excited to be coming off such a strong win to face the Headthrashers. After their loss to the Bladerunners, they're sure to play with determination. However, we secretly hope they'll share a bit of the Pond Rockets' brew. There's something mindlessly entertaining about kicking the lifeless.

Standings (Points) - Next Week's Matchup:

1 Headthrashers - (90) vs Aquamonkeys
2 Bladerunners - (85) vs Drink Bud Ice
3 Frosty Aquamonkeys - (85) vs Headthrashers
4 Drink Bud Ice - (79) vs Bladerunners
5 Nizzy's Newts - (72) vs Minty Fresh
6 Ice Banshees - (53) vs PondRockets
7 PondRockets - (50) vs Banshees
8 Minty Fresh - (46) vs Nizzy's Newts

-=-=-=-
Week 4
-=-=-=-

#5 Drink Bud Ice - 9
#7 Minty Fresh - 3

The flavor is gone from Minty Fresh's play this week as they fall 9-3 to Drink Bud Ice, and they fall to last place in the standings. Drink Bud Ice has won three in a row and look to trip up the upcoming BladeRunners, who aim to take a shot at first place in the league. I caught up with coach Leshrak for an interview, and he seemed very optimistic, "We're gonna kill em. If you compare the numbers we put up this week against Khirmint to the measly numbers that Pyryth posted against the Headthrashers, you can see we'd have p-wn-3d them. They don't stand a chance!"

#4 Nizzy's Newts - 5
#8 Ice Banshees - 8

The Banshees shocked the league by posting a win against the once-proud Newts, sending up to sixth place. Damn, I never thought they'd pull themselves out of last place! Maybe Vidare will own up to managing the team, now that they don't suck. They look to prove this wasn't a fluke win as they take on the PondRo... oh wait, they'll be playing Falix's team. The Newts should be able to rebound this week as Khirmint has shown that he definately prefers to be the submissive one.

#6 PondRockets - 0
#4 Frosty Aquamonkeys - 11

SHUTOUT! Falix got -PWNED- again this week, and the league's first shutout has been finalized. Kudos to Talsek for excellent play, shutting down the Rockets 11-0! Falix falls to seventh place, barely ahead of poor Minty Fresh, and the Monkeys advance to third. Falix will try to turn it around against the once-bad Banshees, but we'll be singing the tune of too bad, so sad, when he fails to overcome. :violin

#2 Bladerunners - 8
#1 Headthrashers - 4

The Thrashers fall for the first time this season after giants collide, but manage to keep a hold on 1st place, losing by 4 points to the league's #2 team. I predict the Aquamonkeys will give a firm shellacking of the Thrashers this week and continue on their roll to #1. Look for the bladerunners to fall also as their star goalie is still out with an injury.

As with the Fantasy Football thread, the trash talk slipped away from us at 4:47am today, 11/11/05, and will be missed by all.

Attempts by the doctors to revitalize and repair the injuries that it sustained, unfortunately, failed, and now we are left with only boring, hardly offensive recaps of the week's games to be presented by the forum's moderator in sportscaster style.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Leshrak


Drink Bud Ice has won three in a row and look to trip up the upcoming BladeRunners, who aim to take a shot at first place in the league. I caught up with coach Leshrak for an interview, and he seemed very optimistic, "We're gonna kill em. If you compare the numbers we put up this week against Khirmint to the measly numbers that Pyryth posted against the Headthrashers, you can see we'd have p-wn-3d them. They don't stand a chance!"

---

:barf Ohhh, how sick!

If you compare the numbers? "If"?? "If" your aunt had balls she'd be your uncle. "If" doesn't win games, performance does.

This game will rightly go to the Bladerunners and the gap will close between the Bladerunners and first place. Whilst DBI returns to a sub .500 record and a season struggling in mediocrity.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Leshrak


Look for the bladerunners to fall also as their star goalie is still out with an injury.

---

It looks as thought the scales have been evened up a bit. One of DBI's premier goalies is out for a couple games with an injury this week. :crutch
And with my star netminder returning from his injury in time to post a shutout this coming Saturday. It appears DBI will be goin' down even harder than even I anticipated.

Too bad you're currently down 7-5 to a "mediocre" team, who, by the way, hasn't lost a game yet(see ICE BANSHEES, WEEK 3) You'll soon see why DBI is making a run for #1. Tomorrow's a full schedule, and the Flyers are out to prove just how overrated Luongo really is. Brodeur's getting old and barely squeaked out a win this afternoon against the CAPITALS! bwahaha. Die bitches!

Even with a dominant win over the Pondrockets this past week, the Ice Banshees owner is still too ashamed to come forward in forums and claim their team. I notice he/she was able to post a message on the league page "wail"ing about their impending victory over the Pondrockets. :rolleyes I don't get it, even a team of 11-year-old figure skaters could take the Pondrockets (the only team who hasn't won a week yet [0-5-1]).


So far, the Bladerunners are the only team that is 5-1-0 and we're looking forward to another strong win this week against Nizzy's Newts. Our team is less than worried about any team with a 3-3-0 record. As for making first place- with the Frosty Aquamonkeys looking forward to an easy week skating against the Ice Banshees we're more than patient enough to wait one more week when it will be our turn to beat up on the Pondrockets once again. This time with prejudice!

The Aquamonkeys finally reached their rightful place at the top of the league this week. Some fans were getting a bit nervous when it got to Sunday and we were down 8-3, but the team came through in the clutch as usual.

The Monkeys face the Ice Banshees this week, and will get a chance to recover from their last strenuous battle. Team management pondered resting their starters this week, in favor of amputees and corpses who might be a better match for the Banshees. In the end, however, it was decided that butchering the incompetent would be a more entertaining endeavor.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Talsek
The Aquamonkeys finally reached their rightful place at the top of the league this week. Some fans were getting a bit nervous when it got to Sunday and we were down 8-3, but the team came through in the clutch as usual.

---

Two players nailing in hat tricks on the last day of the week stinks like pure luck to me.

Best not get too comfy in that number 1 chair, I doubt it'll last for too long.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Azoryn
Two players nailing in hat tricks on the last day of the week stinks like pure luck to me.

Best not get too comfy in that number 1 chair, I doubt it'll last for too long.

---

Hehe. I think the Aquamonkeys cheerleaders must have given some wicked head to the Kings' Demitra/Conroy/Frolov line before the game. I stared in disbelief when I saw the stats :P.

I hope you've enjoyed your successes so far this week. However, playtime is over and it's time for the real men to take the ice. I'm almost sorry that you'll be having to lose for having done so well so far this week.

So please have your boys clear off the ice and make way for a team deserving of a win.

:boxers

Week 1

Headthrashers - 11
Ice Banshee's - 1

Week 8

Headthrashers - 10
Ice Banshee's - 1

Simply put: Who's your fucking daddy, bitch?





And what the fuck? I drop Sameulsson like a deseased whore and he suddenly grows a pair and starts scoring. Maybe I should drop Robitaille and Federov, too, and help jump start their pathetic season.

Ouch. I fear total ruination this week. Briere and Forsberg are hurt, and I lose Nylander/Jagr for most of the week because the Rangers don't play until Thursday. Well, at least I got stellar performance against the PondRockets! :rolleyes

Enjoy this one, Bladerunners.

THE RESULTS ARE IN!

ALL of Week 8's losers combined couldn't score enough points to beat ONE of the winners!

Drink Bud Ice - 10 vs
Nizzy's Newts - 2

The schedules reset this week and revenge is sweet as DBI posted monstrous numbers to outscore the Newts 10-2! The Newts have now dropped 3 of their last 5 with only 1 win in the series, and hope to turn things around against the Thrashers this week. DBI stays in fourth place despite gaining 20 points in the standings, and moves on to the fizzled PondRockets to make it two in a row in week 9.

PondRockets - 3 vs
Bladerunners - 9

The struggling PondRockets haven't won a game all season, oddly mirroring Falix's Fantasy Football team in last place! They move on to the redhot DBI this week and bend over again, waiting for insertion. The Bladerunners are the only winners this week that didn't post double digits, which is the reason they are only tied for second place this week. The Runners take on the first place Aquamonkeys in a heated rematch of Week 2, and try to lay claim to the coveted #1 spot once again.

Frosty Aquamonkeys - 12 vs
Minty Fresh - 1

I really can't decide which team is worse, Minty Fresh, who hasn't made 1 roster change all season, or Falix's PondRockets, who haven't won 1 game all season. The rematch of week 1 showed the Fresh getting the dookie beat out of them by the Monkeys again this week in the biggest loss, number-wise, of any of the games. Minty tries to turn it around in week 9 when they take on the Banshees, who they posted their only win against back in week 2, and the Monkeys are out to defend their #1 spot against the Bladerunners. Keep an eye on that matchup!

Ice Banshees - 1 vs
Headthrashers - 10

The former #1 team is back to posting wins like it should be the #1 team, taking out the revitalized Banshees 10-1 in a blowout of epic proportions. My money's on the Thrashers posting a 3rd straight win this week against the Newts, and I'm also betting the Banshees open up a fresh can of whoopass when they play Minty Fresh!

Standings
-=-=-=-=-
Rank -Team - (Points)
1 Frosty Aquamonkeys (150)
2 Headthrashers (136)
3 Bladerunners (136)
4 Drink Bud Ice (125)
5 Nizzy's Newts (108)
6 Ice Banshees (92)
7 Minty Fresh (75)
8 PondRockets (74)

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Talsek
Ouch. I fear total ruination this week. Briere and Forsberg are hurt, and I lose Nylander/Jagr for most of the week because the Rangers don't play until Thursday. Well, at least I got stellar performance against the PondRockets! :rolleyes

Enjoy this one, Bladerunners.

---

Oh please! Someone get him a fucking tissue. I've got a man on suspension till the 10 of Dec. but ya dont hear me crying about it.

C'mon... pull up yer jock and make an effort. Stop making excuses and take your loss like a man just as the rest have.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by pyryth
Oh please! Someone get him a fucking tissue. I've got a man on suspension till the 10 of Dec. but ya dont hear me crying about it.

C'mon... pull up yer jock and make an effort. Stop making excuses and take your loss like a man just as the rest have.

---

Fear not, the jock is up and the healthy ones are ready to play. If my aim was to give up and take it anally, I'd let Falix manage the team. After playing the Banshees and Minty Fresh back-to-back though, you can't blame me for looking forward to a decent matchup.

Quote:

---

Originally posted by Talsek
Fear not, the jock is up and the healthy ones are ready to play. If my aim was to give up and take it anally, I'd let Falix manage the team. After playing the Banshees and Minty Fresh back-to-back though, you can't blame me for looking forward to a decent matchup.

---

OK, OK... maybe my aim -was- to give up and take it anally.

...ouch.

The Aquamonkeys do not dwell on the past, however, we look to the future. This week's obliteration will fuel our play in next week's challenge against Drink Bud Ice!

You forgot to mention the score to put in perspective for all those not watching the League page. Which by the way was the largest shutout of the season and tied for largest margin of victory with Ice Banshees 13-1 blowout of the PondRockets.

Bladerunners: 12
Frosty Aquamonkeys: 0

Ouch is right. If I come across a tampon I'll be sure to throw it your way to prevent leakage.

I'm looking forward to evening the score with the Ice Banshees this week. They seem to be my hockey league nemesis, being the only team who has beaten me this year.

The gloves are off and I'm lookin' for a fighting major. :boxers

<b>Week 9 Results</b>

Drink Bud Ice 7
PondRockets 4
DBI Ground out a win this week against the last place PondRockets, and the question begs: "Why do the PondRockets suck so much?" Falix hasn't shown his face in this thread to answer the question recently, so we can only assume that his poor managerial skills are to blame. His team has such talent, yet, sucks so bad. Look for the PondRockets to drop another one this week against whoever it is they play, and DBI to punch out a win against the (former) #1 Aquamonkeys in a heated rematch!


Nizzy's Newts 10
Headthrashers 2
The Newts are the turnaround team of the week this week, rebounding from a 10-2 loss to post a 10-2 win against the #2 Thrashers! The Thrashers took a beating this week, only managing to put points up in the PIM and Assists categories. Next week the Newts take on the PondRockets and look to continue the dominance, and the Thrashers want to rebound against Minty Fresh.


Frosty Aquamonkeys 0
Bladerunners 12
Someone get some Lysol, because it stinks in here after the backdoor pounding Talsek took this week. The Bladerunners overtake 1st place this week with the win, and face their nemesis, the Banshees. I wonder if anyone even reads these recaps, not that it matters, though, as the Aquamonkeys have now been lubed up for week 10!


Ice Banshees 4
Minty Fresh 5

Minty Fresh won a game this week, and remain 74 points out of first place.


Standings
-=-=-=-=-
1 Bladerunners 72-35-19 (163)
2 Frosty Aquamonkeys 62-38-26 (150)
3 Headthrashers 62-45-19 (143)
4 Drink Bud Ice 59-44-23 (141)
5 Nizzy's Newts 54-50-22 (130)
6 Ice Banshees 43-64-19 (105)
7 Minty Fresh 34-70-22 (90)
8 PondRockets 31-71-24 (86)

edit: aquamonkeys are no longer #1, as my recap said originally.

I read the game recaps.

Thank you, well done!

Although I'm missing the stat updates you had been doing. :chat

I read the recaps too. They're quite enjoyable... even when my rectal tissue hasn't yet healed from a good old-fashioned thrashing. Things are going from bad to worse for the Aquamonkeys lately, but good trash talk and recaps keep things fun.

Ooh, yeah, I forgot... stat updates. Those were slick, I miss them too.

Maybe i'll do another one tonight, they take about 30-45 mins to actually type up, longer with me being at work and it being busy =(

Oh damn, I figured it was just a copy/paste from some nifty stats page that only the commissioner had access to. The stats are cool, but don't kill yourself!

Wow, I was thinking it was some simple C/P thing from a commissioners page as well.

'Tree cheers fer da commish!'

I can't figure out where to find these stats myself, if it's possible to simply C/P the stats in raw form I would be happy to help compiling them into a readable format from week to week. Just C/P, send them to me and I'll get them up.

heh, no, i wish there was something like that. the commissioners have access to some pretty wild stuff though :devil .. take a look at this:

Edit Player Waiver Dates - Change the date that any given player will come off of waivers.
Edit Rosters - Edit the roster of any team for any editable day.
Edit Transaction Numbers - Edit the number of transactions made by a team.
Edit Waiver Priority - Edit the waiver priority for any team.
Lock Managers- Prevent any league member from making any actions.

I've never used any of it though, I'm pretty sure it all gets logged on one of those public boards.

it took about an hour to do the statsheet originally, and then i just c/p the original stat sheet into a notepad and updated the numbers from everyone's teams. It seems to be kinda slow(hope i don't jinx myself) here tonight, so i'm gonna start making up a new one.